Internet Dating - Why is Online Dating So Popular?

It seems that finding a potential life partner has become more difficult, not because there are fewer datable mates, but perhaps because of the pace and pressure of life and work, with reduced opportunities to socialise with groups of people.

Perhaps you relied on spotting someone across a crowded room and plucking up the courage to go over and start talking. Or you might have headed to a nightclub to see if you could find someone you liked. Or maybe there was someone at work who caught your interest.

When dating websites first appeared, they were treated with more than a little scepticism and ridicule. Match.com was created in 1995 and for a while was the only product of this kind in the marketplace. Dating agencies were not a new thing, however. But people rarely revealed that they had used or met their partner through one.

If we fast forward to the present day, there are now literally hundreds of different dating apps serving all sections of our diverse community around the globe. We have simply gone past the days when it was considered a little odd to meet your partner via an online site or app.

In fact, according to a new study, online dating is the most common way for couples to meet nowadays. In short, everyone seems to be doing it.

Why is Online Dating So Popular?

We live in a more complex and fast-moving world nowadays. If you are working hard and building your career, you may find it hard to get out and meet the kind of people that you actually want to partner with.

Places like nightclubs and bars are less popular than they used to be and we simply have higher expectations than hooking up with the girl or boy down the road or in the office where we work.

We are getting married much later than we used to. Some may feel that time is passing, and their biological clock is ticking and suddenly they are under pressure to find a partner. While it is still romantic to have locking eyes across a crowded room and falling in love, it is becoming pretty rare. Today, we feel we need to be proactive.

Finding a partner through an app has proved more popular because we want choice nowadays. And we have cutting-edge technology that gives us an instant list of suitable ‘applicants’, whether it is for a casual encounter or a long-term relationship. These are potential love interests we can peruse at our leisure and in complete safety.

We can now access this information on the move, wherever we are in the world, on our mobile phones. Some apps even give current locations for potential partners and immediate texting facilities. We can reach out and contact them and still have the buffer of a digital world to protect us from a face to face rejection. We can also take our time and get to know someone online before we actually meet them in person.

With access to a such a wide group of people, we feel, rightly or wrongly, that it is the most sensible and efficient way to find someone with whom to spend the rest of our lives.

Online Dating Apps

There are a huge range of different dating apps for every kind of person, ethnicity, sexual orientation and interest in the world today:

·         For vanilla couples, there are the traditional Match.com, eHarmony and Badoo.

·         There are LGBTQutie, Grindr, Tinder and Hornet for the LGBTQ community.

·         For those BAME singles, there are BlackPeopleMeet and AsianDateNet.

·         For Jewish orthodox singles, there’s Forj.

·         Differently-abled singles can meet through apps such as Whispers4U and Dating4Disabled.

If you search the internet and have a particular partner in mind, you will more than likely find an app where you can meet up and get to know someone. Did you know there is a dating app for people who are passionate about football?

Using a Dating App Properly

The first thing to mention is that using a dating app is just a starting point. As with any attempt to establish a relationship, there are a lot more steps ahead. Just because someone likes your profile, for example, doesn’t mean you are going to click when you meet in reality.

Dating apps make us feel more powerful, whoever we are. We get to choose the person we are (hopefully) going to settle down with. The online world helps nurture the high esteem we have of our abilities or it can further dampen the negative feelings that we have about dating, depending on our successes or failures.

Online profiles, at best, tend to be sales pitches. They are normally how the individual sees themselves or wants to be viewed by others. Our idealised selves, however, are not what other people see or even things that exist in reality.

Meeting for the first time after connecting through a dating app can be a complicated and an emotional process. It is as if the veil has been taken off and there you are, out in the open and vulnerable. Many people do meet for the first time, of course, and there is that chemistry and connection which helps them take the next step of building a relationship and intimacy.

Others, however, may feel awkward, might be disappointed and may not want to take things further. That can lead to feelings of rejection and even anger because things have not gone according to plan.

It is important when using dating apps and online services to be realistic. You should take some time to describe yourself accurately and move away from an idealised version of you. You should also have a clear idea of who you are looking to hook up with, what qualities you want them to have.

If you are searching for a casual encounter, you can probably afford to be less ‘fussy’ in your approach. If your aim is to find a life partner and someone you can fall in love with, however, you certainly do need to think more deeply.

My advice is that you get yourself in the right mindset:

·         Just because you see someone you like online doesn’t mean that it is going to work out.

·         Try not to project an idealised vision of who that person is onto how you think and feel about them. People are rarely their profiles. They are rounded, filled out individuals with good and bad traits.

·         Don’t think that because someone has rejected you, either online or in-person, that you are not going to find someone.

·         Be honest about the sort of person you are looking for and try to be as honest as possible when you fill out your own personal profile.

There is no doubt that, in this fast-paced world, many find dating apps a useful tool for seeking out the love of their lives.

I would be interested to know what your experience has been and if you have managed to find a life partner or whether your view of dating apps has changed after you used them.  

You can reach out on my website Working Through.

Fabio D’Apice